Love, trust, and respect are often the foundations of a solid and lasting relationship – whether it is just a platonic or an intimate one. People tend to get attracted to someone because of their finer features. But over time and as the relationship grows, you’ll be able to see glimpses of the not-so-good side and it will test how far you will go for the other person.
Couples often break up because of misunderstanding and personality differences. Once the arguments start, the relationship is likely doomed to end. However, there are instances when people stay in a relationship even though everything is on the rocks and being together is no longer just about love.
When you are in an emotionally abusive relationship, you tend to not realize that you are experiencing “real” abuse, such as victims of physical and sexual abuse. In addition to this, so many people do not understand what narcissism is and are completely oblivious to what narcissist abuse is.
It usually takes years to figure out and usually your self-esteem is in the gutter when you realize THAT is the problem.
Know this, narcissists tailor make their abuse to fit their targets. Their abuse will go under the radar for most people, including the victims. In many ways, narcissists know what their targets’ weak spots are and use those as the places to hurt.
If a narcissist knows you are afraid of abandonment he will abandon you 1000 times. If a narcissist knows you like a certain pet, he will hate that pet. If a narcissist knows you love to talk about politics, he will refuse to ever comment on politics to you, except to make a disparaging comment about people who like to talk about politics…
If your narcissist is on Facebook, he’ll comment on everyone else’s posts, and not yours. Why? So that he can let you know how irrelevant you are.
See how insidious this is? If you try to tell others, “He doesn’t comment on my Facebook posts,” or, “He didn’t return my text,” or, “He won’t respond when I ask him a direct question,” people will tell you that those are irritating, but not really worth ending a relationship, particularly a marriage over.
(Via: https://pro.psychcentral.com/recovery-expert/2017/03/recognizing-narcissistic-abuse/)
If you look around you nowadays, many relationships are just like it. Most are casual hook-ups where the couple met online before starting dating – not really aware of the person’s background. Hence they only realize later rather than sooner about their quirks and idiosyncrasies when they’re already deep in the relationship and a breakup is easier said than done. Other times the person just becomes too immune to the abuse that they simply turn a blind eye and let it go.
You grew up surrounded by narcissists. They hurt you frequently. So frequently that your heart was seared. The pain rolled off like water-off-a-duck’s-back almost before you realized that, yet again, you’d been wounded. Talking back was swiftly and severely punished. So you learned to swallow all the pain, all the insults, all the hurt.
It was a coping mechanism, however unhealthy, that helped you survive narcissistic abuse.
But now? Well, this High Pain Threshold has outlived its usefulness. Previously, it protected us from pain. Now, it’s causing us pain.
To avoid being stuck with a narcissist (for life), learn how to identify one early on and how to deal with them in case you are already tied to one.
The top warning signs to identify a narcissist:
- The one sure sign I found was to really listen to the stories/conversations he has with you. You could be talking about anything under the sun, and he will find a way to turn the conversation back on/about him, all the time.
- We could only listen to his MUSIC, watch his TV shows, eats at restaurants he liked. It was always about him. There was no flexibility or compromise.
- When he talks, it is all about him and how great he is. He was very competitive and always has to win. Nothing is ever his fault. He needs his ego stroked. He can't argue because he is incapable of reasoning, so arguments just escalate. He never says he's sorry and can't give a compliment without a negative. He's very materialistic and all about the car he drives. I really think they have no heart.
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A narc will use the phrase “soul mate” especially very early on.
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Someone who lies like a pro. Smooth con. A manipulator.
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Narcissists have no sense of humor and literally to self-deprecating skills.
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The number one sign is he moves on too quickly in to the next courtship.
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A narcissist can’t take it when you tease them.
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Narcissists will often say put-downs wrapped around jokes.
While the manipulation of a narcissist may appear cute and flattering at first, it can quickly transition to annoying and even suffocating over time. A healthy relationship not only involves love, trust, and respect for each other but allow one another to have a life outside of the relationship.
The world does not revolve around the two of you. You may miss out on meaningful relationships with family and friends because your significant other only wants you to spend all your free time with him/ her. Find out if your love is that strong enough for you to accept his/ her narcissistic tendencies and remain to be committed to your relationship for a long time.
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